***I want to declare publicly that I am in no way, shape, or form a lawyer. I am not about to dole out legal advise. I am going to share with you my personal experiences with my parents***
We are a society in which people are living longer and many of us, myself included, are part of the "sandwich society" in that we are caretakers to our parents and our children. There are articles about how to approach the discussion with one's parents about end of life issues and legal documents. This is not one of them. How you approach this information with your family is specific to you. I will say, however, the sooner you address these issues the better.
I would recommend finding specifically an eldercare lawyer in your area, as they are trained and have experienced working with older people and their families. They are also skilled with creating trusts to help ensure older people will be financially protected while able to continue to access social services.
Once I was able to convince my parents they needed to move closer to me so I could help take care of them, one of the first actions I took was to find an eldercare lawyer. I felt it was vital to take action while Dad still had his wits about him and could make his own decisions. Dad knew he had Alzheimer's and was aware enough to understand the progression of the disease. Mom was very willing to let go of the day to day responsibilities of taking care of the finances, etc. They both understood legal documents would be needed for me to be able to effectively help them.
My parents got the whole legal package done at once to include updating their wills, creating a general Power of Attorney, Medical power of attorney, advance directive, declaration of guardianship, disposition of remains, and HIPPA release.
I like to say the General Power of Attorney was like my superhero cape as it really made it effective for me to help my parents. As soon as they moved down here, I took over their finances. I paid their bills. I consolidated their bank accounts. I sold their houses. The Power of Attorney allowed me to do so. On occasion, I would need a specific power of attorney notarized and I could do so because both my parents had the ability to sign documents and answer questions. If I had waited to take action when Dad's disease had really taken a hold of his cognition, I would have hit many more brick walls. Take action, don't delay.
The Medical Power of Attorney came into play when Mom was hospitalized for eight days and all medical decisions were given to me. Wow. That was a tough one. I was thankful for the document as were the doctors so we could have honest and open discussions about what action to take.
The Advance Directive is a vital decision to make in advance and a legal document must be available for hospitals and memory cares, etc to have on file. The Advance Directive communicates what the person wants when they are no longer able to communicate for themselves.
The disposition of remains is important as it communicates where you want your remains to go when you pass.
None of this is a fun discussion to have with anyone at any stage of one's life, whether they are healthy or ill, but it's the kindest act for those left behind.
So my advice - talk to your parents now. Understand what they want to do and take action. I always had in my brain that Dad wanted to be buried in his dress blues and then lo and behold, I found a legal document that stated otherwise. Hire a lawyer to create those documents so you can be a help to your love one and honor their desires.
