In preparation of my parents moving down here, I did a lot of research. I toured a lot of facilities and I took a lot of seminars. I still was confused. What the heck is the difference between independent living, assisted living, and memory care?? What is the difference and when do you know it is time to move into one?
Below is my personal opinion based upon my personal experience.
Independent living is for active seniors who still can take care of themselves but don't want the burden of maintaining their own house and yard. Independent living is like living on a cruise ship but on land. The apartments are a good size with little kitchenette's but three meals are available a day so the senior doesn't "have" to cook if they choose not to. There is an activity director on site to plan fun activities at the facility and off-site field trips. Housekeeping is included and there are medical personal on staff for emergencies but home health care is used. Buses are provided for field trips but most seniors are still driving their own cars.
Assisted living is where seniors move to when they are getting a bit slower and need more hands on help. These facilities have trained caregivers on site to assist with personal care needs (showering, pottying). They also manage the medication which is a HUGE benefit. Three meals a day are provided as is an activity director for fun activities. Seniors can age in place at assisted living facilities provided they don't wander off and become a hazard to themselves. Once this is the case, families need to move their loved one to a memory care and fast. Buses are provided and generally the residents are no longer driving.
Memory cares are essentially the same as assisted living but with locked doors. At this point, many of the residents need a lot more assistance with personal care and eating so there are more caregivers on site. Memory care also handles the medicine. There is an activity director to keep the residents engaged but very seldom do the residents leave for field trips. Memory cares now are trying to create an environment that reminds the residents of their past, so 1950's soda shops, etc.
Dad needed a memory care because he was a wanderer. He didn't want to sit still. He was a mover and a shaker. It would have been a huge detriment to keep him at home because he would not have been safe. He easily could have started a fire at home or hurt himself with any number of items. Dad enjoyed the social aspect that the memory care provided as there were a lot of activities and people to get into mischief with.
Some places will offer a tier of services and charge you accordingly. Meaning - Mom needs help with x, y, and z so the additional cost is $ (above and beyond the cost of rent). Mom has now progressed in her disease and requires a, b, and c in addition to x, y, and z so the new monthly charge is $$. Some places will charge you a flat fee and it will not change regardless of the increases in services.
None of these options are cheap. The independent living facilities are like luxury resorts and the cost is about the same. Assisted living is probably a little less or on par to independent living. Memory care is also not cheap as you are paying for around the clock care and their safety.
My recommendation would be to try to keep your loved one at home for as long as you can and it is safe for them. There are amazing resources that I will share on another post.
When you need to transition your loved one to a facility, tour the place. Often. Stop by at different times. Appointments are nice but drop ins are better. Tour many different facilities. How does it smell? Listen, pee happens but if the place smells like old, stagnant pee, RUN! Are the caregivers interacting with the residents? Do the residents look clean? Are there activities other than the TV playing? Tour during meal-time. Try the food. How engaged are the caregivers during meal-time? Ask around. Don't be shy. Ideally, in a dream world, you will move your loved once. I ended up moving my parents several times for which I don't regret.
When you do finally make a decision, visit your loved one often. I visited my parents ALL.THE.TIME!! I visited at different times on different days. I got to know the caregivers. I gifted the caregivers with baked goods and gifts. One, I truly appreciated their efforts as I knew they were working hard for little pay. But two, I wanted my parents to get a little extra love because I gave the caregivers a little extra love. Plus, I genuinely liked these people. For the most part, assholes don't work at these places.
Similar to the eldercare lawyer discussion I posted last week, have this discussion with your loved ones much sooner than later so you can be prepared and you can honor their wishes.
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