Many years ago, a counselor recommended "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman to me and Jon and the book was a game changer for our relationship! He and I totally resonated with the idea that relationships fail or struggle because people are communicating in their own personal love language and not the other person's love language. It's not that the person doesn't love or care for you, but that they are expressing love how they want to receive it which is likely vastly different from how the other person wants to receive it.
The five love languages are physical touch, words of affirmations, acts of services, gifts, and quality time. I loved that there is no right or wrong, better or worse love language. The love languages can be applied not only to your partner, but to children, parents, family, friends, neighbors, anyone. Once you can recognize your own love language and the other person's love language and begin communicating in that manner, relationships become a lot less strained.
I am very passionate about the love languages and I try to keep them top of mind with my immediate family and in fact, part of my morning gratitude walk is remembering to communicate with physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. Some days are better than others. So when I stumbled upon "Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fad: the Five Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey" I jumped at reading the book.
As I have shared, Alzheimer's is not a fun journey and watching your loved one become a shell of a human being is gut-wrenching. But just because Alzheimer's is stealing the life from your loved one doesn't mean that person is incapable of receiving or giving love. That person still exists and desperately needs love.
I found "Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fad: the Five Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey" to be a very helpful book and I read it at the perfect time. I am thankful I am able to be Mom's caregiver but it isn't all rainbows and kittens. My feelings for my mother have been strained for years so it has been an emotional roller coaster with her living us with, not just she and I, but with the whole family. The book reminded me about the journey of Alzheimer's and provided real life stories as examples as hope and motivation.
My biggest take away from the book was the introduction to the term Hesed. I have seen the word spelled Chesed as well. Wikipedia describes Hesed as " "loving-kindness," "kindness" or "love." Chesed is central to Jewish ethics and Jewish theology and is a common term in the Bible for describing God's love for mankind and God's special relationship with the Children of Israel.".
The book describes Hesed as intentional acts of loving kindness. Meaning, even if you person is being a complete ass, if you practice Hesed, and practice intentional acts of kindness, it will warm the relationship. Hesed isn't always easy and usually when it's needed most, it's the most difficult time to do so. When Mom is driving me bonkers and I just want to escape in my room, I think "Hesed" and enter her room with love and kindness. The more I think about Hesed and the meaning, the more loving I become.
I love the word Hesed and the meaning so much and I wanted to keep it top of mind with me that this was the word I chose for my word for the My Intent Project. I don't wear jewerly so I purchased a keychain instead.
I highly recommend for everyone to read "The Five Love Languages" and for anyone with a loved one who is suffering from dementia to read "Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fad: the Five Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey" . Both are quick reads and incredibly powerful.
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